3 Ways to use failure to build resilience.

In this blog post, you will:

• Discover three ways failure can build resilience.

• Learn about three questions to coach yourself through failure. Failure is something that all of us experience. Most people’s perspective on failure is that they experience it more often than others. The truth, however, is that everyone experiences failure in varying degrees. What separates people are not that they do not experience failure but how they deal with failure. John C. Maxwell in his book Failing Forward says the following “How people see failure and deal with it – whether they possess the ability to look beyond it and keep achieving – impacts every aspect of their lives.”

I could not agree more, the way we deal with failure either diminishes our resilience or grows our resilience.

It comes down to our posture when we take calculated risks and attempt to grow and achieve success.

1. Change your understanding of failure.

As mentioned, the problem is not failure itself, the attempt to do something with a desired result and not achieving that result, but that we view failure as something that reflects a deficiency in our identity, our abilities, and even our prospects. Most of us have done this, the moment you fail, an alarm in your head starts to go off that scream “not good enough!!!” If we want to become more resilient, we need to overcome this and give ourselves permission to grow.

The ability to learn this skill will set you apart from those who never lived out their dreams because fear crippled their resilience.

Without calculated risks and growth there is no success.

2. Curiosity over self-condemnation

Liz Forkin Bohannon in her book Beginners Pluck shares her inspiring life story and how she founded a clothing company that empowers women in Uganda. One of the lessons she shares is about becoming more resilient by choosing curiosity when you fail over self-condemnation. Curiosity is a natural skill that all of us possess, it continuously assists us in surviving, and growing. I want to challenge you to, in the words of Bohannon “choose curiosity.”

3. Choose your company.

Let’s be honest, it’s not easy to fail, and it's definitely not easy to learn from mistakes and failures. That’s why choosing your company, and the people you confide in when you have had failure is important. So, who do you choose to stand next to you while washing the dirt off your face after you have attempted something, missed the mark, and ended up in the mud? I have had two types of people standing next to me in times of failure. The first is people who like to say, I told you so, and what were you thinking. The second, people who patiently waited for me to breathe, regroup, and with a pat on the back asked, “what can we learn from this experience?”.

Coach U

As a side note, and maybe it’s the Pastor inside of me talking, be kind to yourself, failure is real, and it has consequences. Breathe, and take a moment. Like one of my supervisors used to say after explaining to us how half of his organs, muscles, and limbs are not working anymore because of old age, “The sun will shine again tomorrow.”

Here are three questions to practically change your understanding of failure, choose curiosity over self-condemnation, and choose your company.

1. What have I done well? (Always start with this question).

2. What can I do differently next time?

3. How can I be a voice of encouragement to others in their failures?

Want to take these questions even further? Reflect on these questions in prayer, then journal what comes up during your prayer time. The Holy Spirit will reveal fresh perspectives to us if we allow Him.

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