Barriers to Self-Reflection (And How to Overcome Them).

Have you ever reached the end of a week – or even a month – and realised you can’t remember what you were thinking about? You were busy, yes. Productive, maybe. But present? Not really.  It happens to all of us, in the rush daily life, it’s remarkably easy to lose sight of what’s happening inside of you. This is where self-reflection comes in.

Self-reflection simply put, is the act of thinking about your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is a key that can unlock greater awareness and clarity by allowing you the opportunity to look at yourself from a distance and understand how you relate to your surroundings and others around you. And here is the encouraging part: you don’t need to set aside hours of your day to process. The benefits of self-reflection can be found is a daily 5-minute habit.

In our latest podcast episode, we looked at the practical application of daily reflection and the benefits it brings. In this blog post, I will look at some of the reasons why you may avoid the habit of reflection - and how to overcome those barriers. Perhaps you may shy away from reflection because you are afraid of what you might notice, or perhaps you find that you are simply too busy to stop. What has kept you from stopping to reflect?

Before we go further, let me be clear about something important. The point of reflection is not criticism but understanding. Understanding what made you think or feel the way you did, how circumstances influenced your decision making, and if all your daily activities are contributing to your vision or goal, or if you are busy for the sake of busyness. Psalms 139:23-24 says “Search me O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting”. Notice the posture: not defensiveness, but openness for God to reveal what needs attention.

When we are afraid of what we might find.

Actively avoiding self-reflection because you are afraid of what you might find is normal, especially when you are going through difficult times. I know this fear well. When I was trying to process loss, I was afraid to stop and reflect because I was afraid, I might find in myself someone I did not recognise. Another reason may be that pausing to reflect on difficult emotions, experiences, or thoughts is hard and can be painful.

Here is what I have learned: avoidance doesn’t heal. It delays.

Lamentations 3:40 says “Let us examine our ways and test our paths”. Self-reflection can help us course-correct and find our way back to God.

One practical approach that can help is changing ‘why?’ to ‘what?

Try asking:

• What am I feeling? Instead of ‘Why am I feeling like this?

• What challenged me today? Instead of ‘Why was my day hard?

Why questions, while well-intentioned can make you feel the need to defend yourself, what questions take the pressure off and invite genuine curiosity.  

When Busyness Becomes an Excuse.

Being busy is an easy way to postpone self-reflection especially if you feel that stopping to reflect can hinder your productivity. However, if you do not take time to reflect on your daily activities, you can fall into the trap of busyness. Activity without direction. Motion without progress.

Someone once told me that deviating one degree off course is easy - but costly in the long run. Over time, that tiny deviation off course means you end up somewhere completely different from where you intended. The time spent in self-reflection is like looking at a map and making sure that your steps are aligned with your goal, or vision. A five-minute pause in your morning can help you determine your key actions for the day, and a five-minute pause in your evening can help you assess whether if you achieved them.

Here are three questions to guide an evening self-reflection:

• What went well today?

• What challenged me today?

• How can I overcome these challenges? What assets has God given me to overcome these challenges.

• Where did I see or experience Jesus today?

Do not allow self-doubt or busyness hinder you from discovering the benefits of self-reflection. Become intentional with your time and your thinking.

Coach U:

What has kept you from taking time for self-reflection?

What is one thing you can do to make self-reflection part of your daily routine?

Resources:

Podcast Episode on Self-Reflection: https://youtu.be/VLbp8AvWchc?si=WTQ8M0E0Td8Lk-p_

True Potential Daily Reflection App:https://app-true-potential.co.za/

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Eurich, T. (2017). Insight: The surprising truth about how others see us, how we see ourselves, and why the answers matter more than we think. Crown Business.

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Kross, E., Ayduk, O., & Mischel, W. (2005). When asking "why" does not hurt: Distinguishing rumination from reflective processing of negative emotions. Psychological Science, 16(9), 709–715.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424.

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Trapnell, P. D., & Campbell, J. D. (1999). Private self-consciousness and the five-factor model of personality: Distinguishing rumination from reflection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(2), 284–304.

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